When originally assigned (alright, maybe I assigned myself…) to interview stand up comedian Tom Green I commissioned friends and fellow comics to assist me in what they may want to ask him. “Anything, at all!” I proposed. And honestly, there was almost too much to choose from; it’s Tom Green for fuck-sake! But I got everything from, “Where the hell is Glenn Humplik these days?” to, “I wonder if Tom thinks the Jackass guys ripped him off – he used to dress up like an old man and fuck with people too!?” And then one young lady said; “Ask him if he’s mellowed out at all?” Which at the time seemed like a completely reasonable question; who knows, maybe he does feel like now that he’s gotten a little bit older and gone through some serious things ala divorce, and testicular cancer, that the days of spontaneous youthful antics are now a thing of yesteryear – I could see it. However, this inquiry was quickly answered well before I got a chance to even talk to him, thanks to the review section on ticket master’s website for his stand up special set to air this spring on Showtime! The review had a, “Favorite Moment” section, and quoting from Tom’s set, it just read: “Forget this, I’m just gonna scream cock at this lady! Cock! Cock! Cock!” And much to my enjoyment the question was answered – all is right in the world; Tom is Tom, both unpredictable and hilarious. Below are some of the questions I had the pleasure of asking Tom Green over the course of a two-part phone interview.